Panda Grade
by DeadShaggy
Summary: Has nothing to do with Kiddy Grade. Might not even have anything to do with Ranma. I'm so confused....


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

This was possibly the most boring day he'd had in a while. At least since that time he broke all the bones in his body, and was stuck recovering for what seemed like decades. One of those times, he could pick from at least five.

Ranma yawned lazily as he stretched out on the floor in front of the Tendos' tv set.

It was a Sunday, and he hadn't yet experienced much excitement. Mousse had come barging through the front gates earlier, but after getting his hearty asskicking of a breakfast he was on his way.

Besides that, there hadn't been much in the way of action. Besides missing the toilet this morning and nearly slipping. So currently he was relaxing on the floor watching a drama. Or it was watching him. Ranma wasn't exactly the most devout drama watcher, but there wasn't much of interest – martial arts anything – on to watch, so here lie the young Saotome fading in and out of consciousness.

.For one reason or another, he found himself alone in the house. Akane had apparently taken this opportunity to spend some time with her friends. Where were the others again? Ranma took a moment to recall. Kasumi was with Mr. Tendo, and Nabiki was probably photographing some poor sucker in a compromising situation at the moment.

He scratched behind his right ear briefly as he thought. Pops was actually here, he was up stairs snoring his life away. Suppose he forgot about the lardtub for a bit, which was easy. He yawned again. Eyes becoming half lidded before he closed them.

He wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not right now, but there was a knock at the door. Once he hopped up and answered it, a sheepman stood on the opposite and gave a small wave. Apparently the sheep had lost its favorite sheep shearer. Ranma wasn't about to just let this strange man in though. How do you just loose a sheep shearer? And more importantly, what is a sheep shearer?

"It's this guy I know, normally he comes to my house and does all my shearing. We normally split the money," the sheep man explained as he adjusted his hood.

"Uh huh," Ranma responded with a nod, " so what's this got to do with me?"

"Nothing, ain't never seen ya in my life, I just came to check this house for my sheep shearer," the man said, "every month we normally meet on the seventeenth and get ta shearing,"

"So?" Ranma yawned.

"Today's th' seventeenth, and he never showed up, so I been lookin around for 'im and now I'm here."

"So?" another yawn.

"Can I check your house?" the sheep man asked.

"How'd you even come to the con….how'd you figure that he'd be here?" Ranma scratched his ear.

"Well, I don't really know much 'bout him, 'cept he lives in Nerima. So I got to thinkin that since I got no other ideas as ta where he may be, I should just start askin around for him," the sheep said. "I reckon I got time anyway, seeing as how I spend the seventeenth shearing off my wool with him anyhow. So it ain't like I got nothin better to do right now,"

"Well, I don't think he's here…not unless he looks like a fat panda, would you like a panda?" he sounded hopeful.

"Don't believe a panda'd be too skilled at shearing, so I'm gonna hafta decline the offer, sorry," he looked up at Ranma – he was a head shorter than him – and reached into his wool covered body, pulling out a picture of a skinny, scraggly looking man with no hair. "So ya sure you ain't seen him?"

The boy accept the offered photo, and carefully scrutinized it, as if he were honestly trying to remember if this man had visited the Tendo residence today and was hiding in a room somewhere. "No… I'm pretty sure I ain't seen no one like that in here."

"Have you checked all the rooms in the house?"

"No, I haven't, should I have?" why wouldn't he leave?

"You say ya haven't seen him, but you ain't even checked all the rooms in your house, could I please look around?"

"…Well I guess it wouldn't hurt if I let ya in," Ranma led the sheep man inside, and watched as he removed his hooves before following the pigtailed boy.

There was the sound of the door opening, just as Ranma and the sheep man were inspecting the inside of the oven and the surrounding cabinets.

This time it was real as Ranma found himself stirring slightly from his slumber on the floor, but stayed in position as without so much as a knock, a small man entered from the hall.

Ranma squinted his eyes as the man entered. Behind him were two more men. All three wore identical jumpsuits of a pale blue color, and little matching ball caps. He wasn't sure what made them seem small, but he was just certain they were smaller than normal people.

Something about their heights in comparison to even a highschooler such as himself, was off. It's kinda like they were inside of a television. That had to be it. They'd burst out of a television and their sizes hadn't been readjusted to that of a normal human.

Whatever the case, the first man scouted the room, before walking briskly towards the television and unplugging it. Something seemed off and surreal about the situation to Ranma, as he watched the other two men lift the television with practiced movements and retraced their steps out of the room, into the hall; and out the house.

The first man walked towards him and Ranma still could not speak or react. Then the tv man bent and grabbed up the remote controller, stuff it into one of jumpsuit pockets and briskly left the house. The entire time none of the three men had so much as glanced in his direction, or spoke. They merely entered the house and took the Tendo family's television.

Ranma sat up slowly, awkwardly. What just happened? Why had three tv sized men, entered the Tendo home and taken their television? Did he miss something important? More importantly, why had they completely ignored him? He felt so wrong.

Poke. Poke. He poked his chin thoughtfully. He was visible wasn't he?

The boy went up stairs, and pulled the sliding door to the guestroom open and hopped over to the panda sprawled on the floor. With a few shakes the animal awoke while reflexively swinging a sign at his offender.

"Boy! Why have you disturbed my meditation?" the sloppily written sign said. The first one was somewhat neater, probably, but Ranma had broken it since it was being swung at him; so Genma had to hastily make a new one.

"Yo Pops, you can see me right? I'm real?" Ranma shook him a bit. Then he shook him some more because it cheered him up.

"Foolish boy? You disturb my deep contemplation for this nonsense? " a new sign, which was being thrown at him. Ranma backhanded the sign, and then was caught unawares as the panda grabbed the outstretched arm and expertly tossed him out the window.

Whoo. Just missed the pond. The panda must be getting sloppy. Ranma stood up from his crouching position and poked himself a couple more times. Well. He couldn't figure out for the life of him why those guys took the tv and, again, more importantly ignored him.

Didn't they know who he was? Saotome Freaking Ranma. He'd taken on halfbreed dragon princes, old ghouls, countless challengers and a demi-god, even survived Akane's cooking. But they'd just waltz'd in, taken that tv, and left without so much as a spared glance towards him.

And what had he done? Why, he'd laid there and watched them without so much as a "hey, you guys shouldn't be taking that", he may as well have helped them take it.

It was just so unnatural. Who walks into someone's home in this day and age, and takes a tv? Without so much as a "Ranma, for your past wrong doings, I'm taking your damn tv"? He felt dirty. Like he'd just lost a fight without even throwing a punch.

That wasn't even his television. He was sure Mr. Tendo would come home, look around, see his tv was missing and then he'd get all the blame. The man would probably make him do something ridiculous like go find the guys and challenge them for possession of the thing. Those guys were probably masters of the art knowing how well his blessed life had been going thus far. He could almost picture the Tendo patriarch's reaction.

"_Ah what a pleasant day it's been, wouldn't say so daughter?" Soun smiles._

"_Yes father,it's such a wonderful day. Oh, hello Ranma-kun!" Kasumi says serenely._

_Ranma shuffles his feet awkwardly staring at the floor._

"_After having such an uplifting day out and about, I think I'll settle down and watch some television," Soun sighs contently, and then frowns as he notices something….truly horrible._

"_Ranma….something is amiss, where has my television gone?" Soun asks darkly._

_Ranma shuffles his feet some more. "Well…about that…"_

"_Son…I spent my life's savings on that television to help my daughters through the grief of losing their dear mother…it was a top of the line tv set," so the salesman had said, anyway. Soun coughed._

_Ranma blinked. "Life's savings?" Must've been a month's life savings at most. I mean come on._

"_Tell me son, what has become of the most loved member of this family?" Soun murmured darkly._

_Kasumi sniffled emotionally while staring forlornly at the vacant spot which the television once sat in. "We named it Ghandi."_

"_No way," Ranma said flatly._

"_Son… Where is it?"_

_Ranma blushed. "Um…some guys took it."_

_The patriarch narrowed his eyes. "Explain."_

_What was there to explain? "Well, they came into the house, picked it up, and walked out. Sorry."_

_Kasumi apparently couldn't contain her grief any longer, and collapsed to the floor in a sobbing heap. "Why Ghandi?!"_

_Soun straightened his back. "Ranma. Come with me."_

_He lead the boy into the dojo, and gestured for him to sit. _

"_Look…" the pigtailed one started,_

_The man cut him off. "I will give you two options. The first is to reclaim the family television."_

"_Okay Mr. Tendo…that's impossible," the boy started. " I clearly wouldn't know where to start lookin, 'cause I ain't never seen 'em before, and got no idea where to start lookin. They probably skipped town already." It was before 1:00 PM when they had appeared, and it was now after 3:00 PM. _

_Soun was now brandishing the Tendo family honor blade._

"_You're fucking kidding…" Ranma muttered in disbelief._

"_This is your second and final option. If you cannot or will not retrieve the television, then you must cleanse your honor by way of ritual suicide." _

_Ranma poked himself a couple of times. Wait. He pinched himself. _

Ow? "This isn't a dream, is it?" he smacked his head.

Soun frowned and waggled the blade a bit towards him_._

"Hey, I thought this was a fantasy? Where'd the slanted text go?" Ranma gasped and jumped up.

"Boy, maybe after you cleanse your honor and clear your family name, it will all appear as if it is a dream then?" Mr. Tendo waggled some more suggestively.

"Stop doing that," Ranma frowned.

"If you cleanse yourself I will," waggle waggle. "For Ghandi!"

"Please stop,"

"DO IT FOR AKANE SON!" Soun screamed.

"Look…what?"

"Out of all of us. Little Akane treasured that television set the most. Every day, there she was. Watching it devotedly. Some might call it obsessive and unhealthy, but I call it truly appreciating a loved one," a nod followed by a suggestive waggled.

"You must think about this boy, if that child comes home today, and finds no tv…she may end her life,"

"…Seriously?"

Solemn nod.

"Let's think about this. She loses an obsession, and because I was there when it was taken and didn't stop this theft, the only way to prevent her from killing herself from grief is to commit seppuku?"

"You've got it, son. Envision it."

Ranma sat down. He envisioned the crap out of it.

"Akane comes home, you and or Kasumi informs her of the television theft. Okay?"

Nod.

"So she becomes stricken with an incredible sadness and the overwhelming urge to end this sadness over the lost of her tv."

Another nod.

"So you rush to her side, and drag her to the dojo. There she finds my dead, gutted body and you hold her, and explain everything to her all nice like. Right?"

Nod. Waggle.

"So instead of experiencing even more of a depression over the loss of her fiancée, the guy who's saved her….a few times, she instead decides to move on with life without the old family televison and old dead fiancée?"

The man had to think about this. He really did.

He sighed. "Ah, Tendo. Perhaps you were being a bit too rash afterall, eh?" He murmured to himself. He smiled as he stepped forward and placed a hand on he shoulder of his son-in-law.

Ranma cautiously looked at the hand, then at the smiling face, and sighed. "That was a bit crazy, Mr. Tendo, ain't gonna lie,"

"Yes I'm not quite sure what ever came me son, there's no excuse for my behaviour," Soun said. "I suppose we can just explain things to Akane rationally, and she will understand that it was merely an accident."

Ranma nodded with a satisfied smile.

"Maybe in a few years we can afford a new tv, I'll have to begin saving now," the man sighed as he checked his wallet.

That's just sad, Ranma thought. Then the two returned to the house, just as the sheep shearer walked in.

"Was wondering if you fellas had seen a sheep around here," the man questioned.

"Sheep man?" Ranma answered his questioned with a question.

"He simply prefers to be called a sheep, thank you much," the man corrected.

"I didn't know," the pigtailed martial artist apologized. "I'm terribly sorry."

"That's fine, would you mind if I had a look around the place?"

"That wouldn't be a problem at all," Tendo nodded and smiled.

The three men began systematically searching the house for the sheep. They'd just drained all the water from the furo, when Ranma awoke. Again.

With a yawn the cursed boy rubbed a bleary eye, and noticed the television was still gone. He had to think about this one. Eventually the young Saotome concluded that his only option was to leave, come back sometime in the night; and hope they blamed the old man. Surely Soun wouldn't react as he did in that dream. But to be on the safe side Ranma would not be around to find out.

Around 9:00 PM he returned and found the corpse of a panda on dojo floor.

***

Notes: I found this story on my laptop, in the backup files from my old XP Operating System. Completely forgot about it. I wrote it sometime last year, and actually forgot to upload it. Leave reviews if you enjoyed it! Even if you didn't, let me know how I can improve or give me motivation to keep writing shiz.


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